The last goodbye (hopefully)

Hans Ayore,

Kapag ginoogle mo yung pangalan mo sana makita mo to. Sana mabasa mo. Sana, ewan ko. Puro sana.

Bwiset ka kahit kailan. Pinasakit mo lang yung ulo ko sa pagkakaibigan natin. Nakakainis ka. And I’m blaming you again. Fuck.

First things first. I hate you. Seriously. No, I’m lying. I don’t know. Ugggh! Ano ba. Uhm, honestly, I don’t know what to feel about you anymore. Tangina ka nakakaconfuse e. ganto, break down na lang natin yung nararamdaman ko ha.

ANGER
Bihira ako magalit. Mainis, madalas. But anger? Very rare. I’m angry at you. Was. Cause you’re a pussy. You couldn’t even tell it to my face that you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. She made you choose right? Should’ve at least had the decency to tell me something, right? Kesa yung iniwan mo ko sa ere?

REGRET
3? 4? years down the drain. You were my bestfriend. You understood me. You pick me up when I’m down. You always know the right words to say and you are a freaking million miles away from me! How do you even do that?! Nakakainis ka. Sobrang nakakainis ka.

LOSS
I cried over this. I lost a vital person in my life. I lost my bestfriend and I didn’t even know why. Sobrang nangangapa ako sa dilim. Nasanay ako na lagi kang andyan kaya nung onti-onti kang lumalayo, onti-onti din akong nawala. Kasi di ko alam kung ano yung nangyayare.

Hans, after all that I’ve said up there, still, I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. Cause i kept blaming you for the pain I felt. I haven’t even thought about how you felt that time. Why you did what you did. I haven’t given a shit about the impact of this to you. I’m sorry. Ang selfish ko. I blamed everything on you. I was blinded by the pain and confusion of everything that was happening, that I’ve forgotten to be your bestfriend. I forgot to think about you and understand you. I’m sorry.

I’m assuming things, of course. These assumptions are made thinking that our failed friendship affected you as much as it did to me. But, I know she made you choose. And you’ve made your choice. I don’t know your reasons and I don’t know if I want to listen to them, anymore. I just want to be free from you. From all of this.

So this is me, pouring my heart out yet again. And hopefully, this is the last time. Thank you for everything. I have learned a lot from the years that we had shared. I hope you have a good life. Goodbye.

T.

I remember when I was younger and I wanted to be beautiful; now I’m older and I want to be intelligent. I want to burn hearts with brilliance and engulf souls with compassion. I want to be loved for my thoughts and nothing else.

me shopping: when i'm skinny i'll look good in that
theclearlydope:

Look at those kids. 

theclearlydope:

Look at those kids. 

(Source: levindis)

whatperks:

youwinagainmoffat:

majortvjunkie:

urbanfuck:

fun fact: me in the white shorts

fun fact: me in the gray shorts kissing the cutest boy in the world



this needs to be on everyone’s blogs okay aw

whatperks:

youwinagainmoffat:

majortvjunkie:

urbanfuck:

fun fact: me in the white shorts

fun fact: me in the gray shorts kissing the cutest boy in the world

image

this needs to be on everyone’s blogs okay aw

(Source: andrewbelami, via martsu-in-221b)

crystalfy:

It bothers me that the intelligence of animals is measured by how willing they are to obey the commands of a human.

same goes for students at schools

I just realized how fucked up that is wow. 

(Source: a-puckish-rogue, via thebribery)

It’s good to free your heart of all it’s pains and bitterness

For the past year, I had trouble talking about this guy without a sense of bitterness laced in the words. I mean, he chose his girlfriend over me and didn’t even have the decency to tell it to my face. Sucks, I know. But, that’s all in the past now.

Not even 12 hours ago, I met up with one of out mutual friends. We’ve talked about practically everything. Even him, of course. Especially him! hahaha :)) During those times, I had realized that, I am okay with talking about him. I could say his name, I could joke about it, I could freely express the emotional rollercoaster I experienced in the 4-year duration of our friendship, i was completely honest with everything there is about us. And I didn’t even feel a tinge of pain. All I was thinking of were the fond memories. And how I am thankful for the time I got to spend with him, the lessons he taught me and the memories that we’ve shared.

I guess, this is where the chapter ends. I’ve come to terms that we’d probably never talk to each other ever again, and I am okay with that.

Some people are meant to barge in your life and leave it in shambles. then after all has been said and done, you come out a better version of yourself afterwards.

It’s been far too long

I’ve stopped posting (and visiting) tumblr about a year ago. I’ve lost my bestfriend, found out the guy I really really really liked for a few years didn’t even know what he feels for me, I’ve had a meltdown with one of my soulsisters (we’ve made up ;D), I’ve graduated college and has still to make something out of myself.

Quite a handful, huh? So what brought me back? Well, I’ve had the chance to have a lengthy talk with my friend (around 2 hours worth?) and have come to realize a few things today (I’d be posting that in a different err post) and I think I need to vent and write it out. So, here I am. Back to the place where I pour my heart out since 2010(?). I’ve missed you, T. Let’s rekindle our love affair, yes?

Because i’m super random like that. :)))))

Because i’m super random like that. :)))))

Dear best- exbstfriend,

You’re an ass. And a jerk. And a douche. I hate you.

Yet, even the basic things remind me of you. And I miss you more everyday because of it. It’s hard for me not knowing why or how or i dont know. Why did you do it? How could you do it? Did she make you choose? Am I not worthy enough to be fought for? Is she more important than I am? Did I do anything wrong? I have tons more of questions that only you could answer.

Was this your plan all along? To cut me off slowly in your life? Did you think it through? To every last detail? Did I play my part well? Was your plan successful? Knowing you, this is something you would’ve done. A social experiment of some sort.

Did you not think of how I would feel? Thinking that there might be something wrong with the lines of communication? I needed you a ton of times. I needed you to reassure me that everything will turn out fine and I have nothing to worry or be insecure about, I needed you. I really did.

But I guess there’s no point in crying over spilled milk. You’ve made your choice. So I guess I’ll say goodbye and thank you for the memories and I hope never to see you again.

To the girl who stole my bestfriend,

Fuck you.

Sincerely,
Teta.

IG! UTANG NA LOOB! KAHAPON PA GANITO YUNG ACCOUNT KO! PANO BA AAYUSIN TO?! MINSAN NA NGA LANG AKO GUMAMIT GANYAN KA PA?! ANO BANG GINAWA KONG MALI? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE AYUSIN NYO TO!

IG! UTANG NA LOOB! KAHAPON PA GANITO YUNG ACCOUNT KO! PANO BA AAYUSIN TO?! MINSAN NA NGA LANG AKO GUMAMIT GANYAN KA PA?! ANO BANG GINAWA KONG MALI? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE AYUSIN NYO TO!

Mabilis ang karma

QC Lab - SLI. Hapon. Last week of intern

(Ako may binubully. Di ko maalala kung sino. Si Derick ata. Nakadantay malapit sa disentigration machine)
Ako: aah mali! Aah ulit! HAHAHAHA—(lumublob yung manggas ng lab gown sa stagnant na tubig ng disen machine) ay shit! Yung labgown ko!

Gets? Gets? Hindi? Fine. Nvm. -.-

Aw hard. HAHAHAHAHAHA :))

Aw hard. HAHAHAHAHAHA :))

Don’t you just hate it when

You’re trying so hard to forget about a person, and when you think you’ve done a little bit of moving on they come back and haunt your dreams? The worst part for me is that he doesn’t even do anything conciously to try and reach out to me. It’s like he’s perfectly fine with how things played out. It sucks. Really, it does. Friends tell me that I should forgive, but I’m still angry. I’m still in pain. And he haven’t even asked for forgiveness yet. I don’t think I know anything anymore. I just want answers. Is that too much to ask?